Saturday, June 28, 2014

Here we go again

I'm pretty sure we are insane. 

Because here we go again. We are in our sixth pregnancy. I am still somewhat in shock that I have been pregnant six times, and you would never know it by the number of car seats in my car or dining room chairs at my table. In order, we have Julie, Natalie, miscarriage, Peter, miscarriage, and this little soul yet to be named. I am 17 weeks but I don't look like it. That's because the baby is measuring closer to 14 weeks. There are echogenic foci on the heart (thank you Google....I'd never heard of them either), and the ventricles in he brain are enlarged. Isolate them and they don't cause major concern. Put them all together and they are pretty strong indications of a genetic condition. We, of course, fear the worst. We don't know for sure yet, so Steve and I decided to pray our hardest for a miracle. We spent the Solemnity of the Sacred Heart of Jesus asking for a miracle, a complete and total healing of this baby in my womb, for the grace of a healthy son or daughter. 

Am I insane? Because it kind of feels like it. But that urge, that desire to grown one's family, it's somethings just so much stronger than the fear of the unknown. I've never felt like my family was complete. Even after everything we've been through, and the odds that we've been given (which I now think are total crap, by the way) we were willing to take that chance, just having faith in a loving God who always cares for us and knows our needs. But I was so sure, we were both so sure that this would be the one. This would be the healthy baby that we have so longed for. Still we pray and hope. And feel a little insane. 

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